finally, the science finals from h*ll are finito! i won't be needing those notes anymore. *rrrrrrrip!* today i apologise for being cranky, rude, whatever because i've been up till 3.30am the last 2 days and today i'm running entirely on coffee. let me pen a fairly interesting entry in my silent abode.
what am i going to do after the exams? well, one thing's for sure, i'm going to enjoy myself (while worrying myself to d-e-a-t-h at night). but what i'm really going to do is to avoid going home for lunch and dinner because i need to lose weight! now i know i'm not a babe or anything but i'm quite sick of being the only of teenagers not filled with baby fat. only thing it's not baby fat.
sounds like i'm conforming to society's "comfortable" size. well, i'm sick of wearing M or L, i don't want people to buy clothes for me and start thinking, "oh i can't buy small for her because the last time i did, she couldn't fit into it." i want to wear those nice clothes on the dead mannequins that you see in large, glassy, nearly invisible departmental store windows.
i don't care, i want to wear Levi's, Guess, Esprit, Zara and look good without fat thighs, flabby tummy bulging through my skin-tight apparel. ok, i exaggerate. but still, i want to look good because it makes me feel good. i won't have to pretend to suck in my stomach in front of a group of perfectly skinny, zit-free girls who make me look like a sausage next to them. i won't have to wear baggy clothes because i want to cover up my flawed bod, but because it's in fashion.
but i don't ever want to be all skin-and-bones. i want to look healthy while being slender and slim at the same time. is that such a crime? oh yes, you think, poor rachael is hung-up about her weight again. oh look, she'll never make it because people like her tend to rant without doing anything. she is just one of those yo-yo dieters.
Hah! i'm not let you get away with thinking like that. mark my words, you won't be able to recognise me after this 1 and a half months. (gasp, what have i done?) erm NO i'm not going to be fatter, i'm going to be slimmer, i'm going to wear nice, pretty, clothes which i'll be able to breathe in even after a 10-course dinner.
i'm gonna work off that slab, cut down on that creamy, delicious, simply gorgeous chocolate cake topped with whipped cream, ignore that extra har gao on the dim sum table, eat in really, unbelievable small bites and drink tons and tons of water. no carbonate-rich drinks, no chin chow, no fruit juice bought in stores, just fresh fruits and tons and tons of fresh, beautiful, leafy vegetables(be they green or white).
i'll be exercising every morning (anybody want to join me?), including sit-ups, push-ups, ups, ups, ups. i'll be running too, so that next year, i'll be all ready for PE and 2.4. i hate my legs, they're like tree trunks. i hate my arms, they are all but flab. i hate that tyre around the waist.
why can't i do this, huh? you think i don't need to? i have a right. i think i'm not bad-looking but i could do better. am i shallow? look, i'm not doing this for anyone but myself. after all, i hate guys (ok, liar). in case you think i'm doing this to attract guys to myself, let me persuade you with my heart and soul that it's not true. you people can keep your boyfriends to yourself, don't make me a reason for being upset. i promise (i can't swear because of religion) upon 1,000,000 large size t-shirts that i'm not interested in all this crap. anyway, why am i explaining myself to you? gosh, i don't need to!
think what you like, say what you like, i don't care. laugh at me, scorn me, roll your eyes in disgust, i don't care, you hear!
enough of this, let me go on. hey i'm young, i'm a girl, i'm a teenager with raging hormones and i am growing up. i can't be expected to live in my kiddie world anymore, with jeans and cargo berms. i don't want to wear long-sleeved t-shirts in hot and sunny singapore, i want to wear tops without sleeves. i don't want to wear tops with arms of pure wobbly fat, only to have myself worried sick about whether i look fat because i don't want to look fat.
i know, you think i care too much about what other people think. honestly, yes i do care a fair bit but like i said, in order to feel good, i've gotta look good. i'm tired of standing next to my friends, my cousins and being a roll of butter each time. i would like some attention, please. yes, from girls. it's actually a compliment when girls compliment you because after all, who else knows a girl's body best than another girl?
yes i love my eyes, i don't look like a typical China lady (lady, not woman, i don't have anything against them) but i would like to look like a nicely wrapped package. what i don't want to be is, a squealy young female who is afraid of getting her nails chipped. that's the worst. i didn't say i have to be a pampered little chic pooch, i want be able to look healthy, sporty and when i'm out, i want to look pretty, nice!
ah, right, i'm still driving on coffee. well that's about it for today. haha. oh yes, i do want to wear skirts without people laughing behind my butt, oh i mean back. not minis though... *brrr*
