the littlegirl starlet poses she's lovely and adorable with a tinge of innocence and an air of naivety
she's a star
layout by:-candlelight*
Friday, November 21, 2003
i just realised something. i realised it a long time ago but i never got around to expounding the thought. here goes. i realised that i see a part of me in all my friends. in some friends it's more prominent than others but basically they have that certain je ne sais quoi which i have too. it's so, amazing because you feel so though you have a special connection with them. they know what you are talking about when you talk about somethings, they seem to be thinking along the same wavelength as you, they just know. =)
before i go on, i would like to say, it isn't that we have something in common. it's more than just liking the same things, having the same tastes, it's different. sometimes it's almost like, telepathy. it's quite a mean feat to find friends who have that je ne sais quoi because sometimes it's just to difficult to find them. i would suggest, don't find them. why? because they'll find you.
littlegirl starlet--------------3:27 pm
i slept at 2am this morning and woke up at 8am. it's been like this for the past 2 or 3 days. i can't sleep beyond 9 o'clock and when i wake up, i feel bone-tired but there's nothing i can do because my body refuses to listen to my head. Do you envy me? I suppose it's a good thing because if i sleep too much, i get a splitting headache. ouch -winches- i get headaches so easily, it's almost as if my head likes headaches. well maybe my head does but i certainly do not!
oh yes, continuing. today's going to be a busy day. after i go out to town, i'll be heading towards marine parade. for a class barbecue. packed my bag; decided against bringing a brolly because my bag was too small, even though it was drizzling. i looked towards the heavens and thought, if it rains, so be it. i can't be bothered with an umbrella anymore. grabbed my present and walked out.
i was so early, i decided to stop at orchard and walk all the way to dohby ghaut. in the drizzling rain! i felt so exposed, susceptible to the harsh elements of nature's tears. when i finally reached plaza singapura, i decided to go into the new NEL station. i was almost lost but intelligent me made her way to the passenger service. the personnel was asking whether i wanted to take a train and i was like, yes, oh no, i just want to get to the other side and he said, "you're meeting someone?" i was thinking what has it got to do with you whether i'm meeting someone or not? but i shouldn't be so rude. heh.
littlegirl starlet--------------12:16 am
Thursday, November 20, 2003
i think i should go NS. oh no, kor's going NS on the 31st of march. hopefully he gets a "white horse" in his platoon and hopefully you know what i mean by "white horse". a "white horse" is a label for children of the rich and famous, like businessmen and prominent figures in the ministry. no, i don't think zoe tay's future child would count.
the military said they would remove this label, this so called "identification tag" so these children would be treated equally. from what i see in the forum, it's so not true. they get preferential treatment. even if they remove it, how difficult would it be to identify these children? the chances are as small as a atom on a pin head. heh. therefore, it is useless to remove it.
went out with my cousins to do something. tell you next time. we had supper, beo crescent, teochew "muair" porridge! it's plain porridge with dishes you can choose to your fancy. succulent, oily, fried egg with turnip, fish in a dark sweet and salty sauce, minced meat, pickled vegetables, oh so many things! it's so quaint. i haven't been there in a long time.
amelia, my cousin of 25(6?) years told my other cousin, belle(24 years old) how i didn't want to get married. she looked positively shocked and asked why. so i told her how, you know, lots of divorces in the world nowadays, how you can't be certain that you'll spend the rest of your life with someone. staring at me with her spoon positioned at an angle to the plate holding the minced meat, she shook her head and said, "she's so old! i think she's older than me!"
and she goes on to say i make her feel like she's 16 and her friends are always saying she's 24 going on to 16. haha. i'm not old! just mature. heh. i asked her why she wanted to get married. she said well because they grew up in the era of cinderella and snow white. people my age are too cynical nowadays, she declared. oh and she even feels that i'm wiser than her! now that's a compliment because she's really smart and stuff. but she has a way to make me feel dumb, like how i make my other cousin feel dumb. retribution.
earlier on, about marriage, i said a lot of other stuff but i'm really tired now. next time ok? i love being cynical. make me less vulnerable to the world's whims.
littlegirl starlet--------------1:01 am
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
HEY GUYS I FIXED MY BLOG!
now i know never ever mess with blog designs that have tables.
littlegirl starlet--------------3:45 pm
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
oh wow, guess who came online?? my "older brother"! or 'kor' or rather 'gor'(phonetically). imagine, i was just thinking about him. i'm glad i went into icq. no one ever goes there except him, haha.
i ask him if he misses me. as i read our message history, i realised that usually, he would be the one asking me whether i missed him. haha. it seems like only yesterday i met him. i was a bored girl of 14 being crappy and asking for a 'kor'. he was a darn smart rugger doing his 'O's. surprising how he found so much time to go online. oh i forget(this is on purpose), he's darn tootin' smart.
most of the time, he would accompany me into the late night/early morning. he would be mulit-tasking, studying while chatting, typing out an email while chatting, talking on the phone while studying or chatting while chatting(hey wait, that's not mulit-tasking!).
i cringe for a while because back then, i sounded like a ditzy, singaporean englishy ah-lian who uses too much singlish. heh. it's ok, i've grown a lot since then. even now as i type in perfectly sound english, i always feel it isn't good enough. something is lacking. it's like i have the exoskeleton but the internal skeleton is flimsy.
anyway, back to my special friend. i remember he said how much we had in common, how i lamented about school, how he tried to understand and provide constructive criticism. we seemed to have never-ending coversations about everything under the sun, till the wee hours of the night. i always had so much crap to say and he always replied.
when he went to jc, i saw him online less frequently. when i became a sec 4 this year, he became a j2. i don't know if we drifted apart but i know i was always, and still am, worried that he would find me a nuisance, a childish person and that he would ignore me, like so many of my closer friends.
i'm worried about retribution. now i know, i'm worried that those whom i really have a rapport with will treat me the same way as i will treat some people as i leave school. but i'm sorry, i have to do that. i have to be detached from my past in order to move forward. my past is holding me back like an anchor to a ship. in order to move further and faster, i have to release the weight.
well, i just pray he doesn't do that to me. that he remains the same kor, that he still calls me rachie, that he still cares. he's promised to talk to me after his exams, well, he'd better. or i'll never ever forgive him. haha no, of course i will. it's difficult to find the right words which can abundantly capture the essences of my friendships. no words will ever be enough. my friends always mean more to me than they think they do. thanks guys.
littlegirl starlet--------------11:58 pm
i want to scream, i want to shout, i want to dance in meadows which burst in colour that proclaim, "EXAMS ARE OVER!"
straight after the last paper, i headed to plaza singapura with elaine. it was somewhat a surprise that she would ask me, unpredictable(mood) me to go out with her on the last day of exams. i half-expected her to invite 10 other people or even her best school friend. not that i am complaining, she is a perfectly amiable person(unlike me).
it was about 10.50am or so, few shops in the mall were open and the student scene was pretty bare. anticipating this forever, we finally bought our tickets to the much-hyped and criticized "the matrix revolutions". bought popcorn, which i sorely regret later and headed to theatre 3. sometimes it seemed as though we had nothing else to ramble on about, which wasn't boring but quiet silence.
it's the same with most of my friends. after a while, i can't think of anything to say. perhaps one day i shall discuss national matters with them, like identifying "white horses" in NS. please tell me you know that? digressing.
the matrix revolutions started with nary a bang. WHAT! it hardly raises a hair on my arm! i was ready to brace myself for some hard-hitting action but what my eyes met with was darling Neo lying on the floor of a pristine white train station. ok you say, hardly a reason to complain about. it's arcane, i just watched the movie and yet bits of it are trailing on the floor behind me ever since i left the theatre.
i didn't understand how Neo knew what to do, i didn't understand why the machines had to kill humans, it's not like they can eat them and gain energy or something, i didn't understand why the machine "king" or whatever couldn't stop one silly "smith" programme and a human had to do it. i didn't understand why the oracle looked different and why she had to look different. after all, it's not as if if she looked any different, she would be able to hide from the "frenchman", who, by the way, only turned up in the story to bring Neo back into the real world.
rather ridiculous. i was laughing at the 16-year-old boy who wanted to fight against the machines, i don't know why. i winced internally when Neo's eyes were hurt badly, i cheered when the brave lady with the crew cut slaughtered the huge drilling machines, i wanted to cry when the last man standing against the machines, the captain, died while fighting to save everyone, i wanted to stand up and applaude mr-16-year-old when he took control of the captain's machine and opened gate 3.
i think three-quarters of the show featured the fight between the humans and the machines, which took up a lot of time. i was stuffing my face with sweet popcorn because i didn't want to waste the 3 bucks. argh, never shall i look at popcorn in the same way again. i don't even dare think about buying it. i told elaine, watching the hapless humans fight against the octopus-machines was more stressful than taking an exam. haha.
well the ending was utterly disappointing. did Neo die??? oh dear. after that we shopped around PS for a while and spotlight! i bought my purple and ocean blue glitter fabric paint! i think i'm going to buy more next time. i really need it for christmas. scooted around for a while and i persuaded elaine to walk to the orchard belt. heh. save money!
we just window-shopped and i didn't see anything which caught my fancy. it led me to think, orchard is still as boring as ever! but i still love it because of the people. you see these crowds, all happily walking and talking, enjoying themselves, it's sort of a reassuring thing. oh yes! we spotted 3 mediacorp actors holding up the wafer ice-cream in front of the cart. one is nick shen, another's a new star search guy and the last's the guy who "looks" like michael jackson. heh.
they look pretty tall and real. duh they're real. well you know what i mean. it's like you've only ever seen them on tv and suddenly they seem to pop-up, like in picture pop-up books.
towards the end of the day, elaine suggested buying something to both of us could have. when i was 2 years younger, i would have thought of this idea of but now, it's... nothing. but anyway i wanted to buy something... she spotted these sea-urchin looking earrings with hot colours like bright pink and stuff and *ding* she said why don't we buy 2 pairs with different colours and exchange one. not bad.
so one my right ear's the blue-with-green-spikes and on the left, pink-with-purple-stripes. guess which one i chose. heh. next time i'll show you! i think my ears look ok... i mean they aren't weird-shaped or anything.
well i went home, did one autograph page for my friend and started on my surprise for my girl classmates. so far so good. i hope they like it. i'll be seeing them tomorrow at the class barbecue.
littlegirl starlet--------------10:10 pm
Monday, November 17, 2003
i'm... i'm... i'm...at a loss for words!
my tutor just went through my chem paper one and... and... -bursts into tears-
i did pretty well! i thought i would get 27/40 but...i... did it!
i scored higher! i'm sooo "hare-ppppp"! i'm also hare-pppp because it's the last paper!
at the back of my mind i still scared though but...
it's a cause for celebration!
oh crapo, just thought "what if my paper 2 sucks to the highest level of suckinest"? argh! i can never stop can i?
11.15pm- a few more agonising hours... just a few more steps and my fate is sealed. i've learned a lot this exam and no, i did not learn anything new from my textbooks haha. i can throw every bloody book away! i think i shall go ask my sec3 friend if she wants anything. guess there's no one else to give them to.
a huge change will be introduced into my life but i can't tell you now. it's painful... for me.
just a few more hours. HANG ON!
right now i'm just plucking thoughts out of thin air. i don't know what to say. well, i can finally be a crazy ol' girl who does crazy things no matter which school she's from because as of tomorrow, i don't belong to any school whoo hooo! i'm gonna rip off my tie, kick back and put my feet up on the seats in front of me in the cinema. seriously. but now that wouldn't portray me as a cultured, civilised being, would it? but who cares? ii'll be worry free soon, all those high-class poseurs can go suck eggs. heh. learnt that from a storybook. i'd recommend it to you some other time.
i want to be one of them, the elite but sometimes being at the top is too pressurising. but what's life without pressure, especially in dear Singapore? who says children of rich and fabulous adults can't have fun? not that i'm one of them but i digress.
exams wreak havoc with my face. pimples are erupting like nobody's business. i miss my brother(no not my real one).
incoherent swirling thoughts,
fill me up with hatred;
just for one subject?!
help me halp! to
get off my lazy butt,
haul it right up
ttttthose terrorising pages
of forbidden doom,
soon to be unleashed to all.
littlegirl starlet--------------11:38 pm
i hate "hey yeah" by outkast! it stinks! ok...
my exam's tomorrow and i'm online like there's no GEOG paper in the afternoon at 2pm!!! -breathes- huhhhh... ok. i just want to get something off my chest. read the papers this morning and there was this straw poll on singapore's young people not having a clue about current affairs. apparently, "we" lack so much of that knowledge that it is "worrying".
first of all, i want to say, don't believe everything the papers say. you have to take every darn thing with a pinch of salt. i learnt this from 2 adults, my tutor and my doctor.
secondly, if you don't know 5 questions about the few events in the recent weeks, it doesn't make you a current-affairs-deprived young adult. the article should have mentioned :
one) A-level, O-level, polytechnics, varsity students have been NOT reading any thing except their textbooks or the examination papers and timetable. hell-o? didn't they realise that we have absolutely no time? (ok not me, other muggers. heh)
two) even J1 students have been busy with their PW, which they totally hate, which was meted out to them as a way of inducing creativity, by whom? the moe, who else? is it their fault that they have zero minutes to even watch the news, seeing that they go home at midnight everyday?
three) what if you did come across those events, those articles, those comments made by journalists whose jobs are to KNOW about current affairs if they're writing about it? is it a crime not to remember the new malaysian prime minister's name? who the h*ck cares about malaysia in the first place? (ok that didn't sound good.)
then again, i'm disappointed that some people didn't even know malaysia had a new PM. either they have no life because of juggling school, exams, ccas and projects or they haven't even touched a newspaper since they discovered it makes their fingers black with ink.
it does show how un-savvy "we" are but hey, it's ONLY the opinion of a 100 or so singaporeans! there are nearly 4 million people in this tiny island, so the results are like off by 40 000x!
it's as though we are too shallow and it's sooooo "worrying". so what if some of those polled are from top secondary schools and junior colleges? like i said, they probably have tons of other things, which matter to them because they ARE students, to worry about. and after their exams, they are probably having a great time hanging out with their friends and families.
perhaps it's wrong to think this way, but at least i know there are 2 sides to every story. for one singaporean who doesn't know what defence minister teo talked about recently, i'm sure there're 2 others who do. apathy will always be prevalent among us but it's only normal as teenagers and such to be caught up in our own lives unless we truly enjoy current affairs.
why don't we? i suspect it's because of the lack of a good humanities education in the early stages of our lives. it's sort of worse after studying SS. we grown to learnt that the humanities is utterly tedious and boring because the only reason we're studying it is because it's compulsory. but actually, i don't agree. i know i'm full of contradictions.
and usually, it's only those students in top schools, who because they want to get into the prestigious humanities programme in jc, get to really know humans and enjoy it(or hate it but there's a higher chance they somewhat like it). they are the ones who really know their stuff and they'll only be able to discuss it among their own classmates who are taking the same subjects. and usually, there are more science classes in jc.
it's like, who else can you discuss these things with? not many people have a liking for current affairs because etc, etc...
hmm... this is my first attempt in writing something like this and i supposed i'm very very raw, therefore my arguments are not wholly supported. practising for GP. heh. ok ok i know i should get back to geog and stop thinking about next year because i haven't even finish my 'O's.
just wanted to say, i want to enjoy my teenage years while keeping touch with worldly affairs because i don't want to be a farce-faced poseur who pretends to be oh-so-knowledgeable. it's nice to be able to talk about these things with adults sometimes...
*loves and hates
loves this layout
loves the OC
hates falling
*songlist
Everywhere you go. Shawn Mullins.
Lullaby. Shawn Mullins.
Sail Away. Vertical Horizon.
I don't want to be. Gavin Degraw.
Storybook Life. Blessed Union of Soul.
Someday. Nickelback.
Grow Up. Garbage.
Higher. Creed.
Back Here. Bbmak.
Pinch Me. Smashmouth.
Dare to Live. Switchfoot.
I think God can explain. Splendor.
Jaded. Aerosmith.
It's all been done. Barenaked Ladies.
Save Me. Unwritten Law.