blogger refuses to let me write long entries so i had to break one up into two. (see below)
hate blogger.
littlegirl starlet--------------12:38 pm
i spent over an hour looking for the stinky(yup, it is.) badge and to no avail. i couldn't not find it. i'm positive it fell off on my way home and that couldn't have been a very long way unless it fell off while i was in the bus. i was so determined to find it that i made up my mind to hop on every bus 100 and to sit on the same seat that i sat on yesterday. and yesterday was supposed to be a good day! i went home early because i was going to meet my aunts after school but i was still late in the end because i had to search for the badge.(ugh, i hate it!!!) i followed my tracks and walked really slowly to try and spot the golden thingy but it wasn't anywhere.
this morning after my paino lesson i went to look for it again. i even told my mom to look for it. no luck. until right now i am still cursing myself and that thing. argh, i am so mad with myself!(how many times must i say that...until i find it i guess). i remember once i lost it and i went up and down the route i took on the way home. it was only after about half an hour that i spotted it lying on the wet ground(it had been raining). i was so relived and vowed never to lose my badge again. looks like i failed to fulfil my vow. that is why i am trying so hard to find again! this time it is a different route.
i told myself this morning, rachael, i don't believe you can't find it. if you found it the other time, surely you can find it now. and hopefully God will reveal its whereabouts to you. i was disappointed with myself when i couldn't find it. i kept repeating (to myself of course) ,"Plese God, help me find my badge. I promise to never lose it again. Please, please, please!!!!!!" i was out of my wits.
so here i am, brooding over the loss. if any of you spot it, please return it to me? please??? by the way, i do have an extra badge. the point of having it is to ensure that i don't have to pay $2.50 but the thing is, what if i lose this one??? then i'll have to pay the cash! and i don't want to because i'll keep losing the ridiculously made badge and i'll have to keep paying up when it is so not my fault! -screams-
littlegirl starlet--------------12:35 pm
i lost my school badge yesterday. i was merely a few metres away from home and i had to lose it. gosh, i hate that badge so much. firstly, its pin in so loose and bloody lousy that it comes off the blouse so easily, thus making it easy to lose. secondly, i have to pay $2.50 for a badge which i did not lose on purpose. i was not careless, the badge came off by itself!
argh, i am so mad with myself for not taking it off while i was in the bus. once again, i gave the badge the benefit of the doubt and failed to realise the consequences of my actions. usually i would remove the badge when i'm on the bus home, because i know how easily i lose it. yup, it happened. i was utterly upset and disgusted with myself and the badge. upset with myself because i didn't learn my lesson from the previous years.
do you know the damn school only gives one badge to one person to wear for the rest of three years? *&^^^#%, don't they think anyone will lose theirs? the funny thing is, they fail to see that the badge's pin is beyond hope, and yet they want us to pay another $2.50 for the faulty pin. what is this? it is so unfair. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it! (sorry for behaving like a raving lunatic. i can only do that here.)
from now on, i do not care. i shall pull that stupid piece of metal off my blouse and dump it into the safe hands of my bag as soon as i step out of school. i am NOT going to pay another $2.50(it's way expensive and above my budget of a badge) for a pathetic piece of metal which has a useless fastener. it's not worth my good money. i promise that i won't ever lose my badge.
ahh... after getting that off my back, i feel a teeny wee bit better. i am still fuming over my foolishness, but not so hung up over the loss of the badge anymore. what is so weird about me is that i easily blow my top off with this kind of matter, to the extent where i almost break down and go sit at the kerb and cry(i didn't do that but i think that would have been a good way to get people to pay me $2.50 to buy my badge. haha.). at the same time i think, what is wrong with me? why can't i get a hold of myself?
littlegirl starlet--------------12:34 pm
Monday, May 26, 2003
You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You display a perfect fusion of heroism and compassion.
yes!!! i am Neo!!! and i did not pick the answers which i thought would give me the desired results i.e. no cheating!
littlegirl starlet--------------3:44 pm
all this while, i haven't been writing what i really think about. yup, i'm a coward in the sense that i fear being ostracised(yes! i finally spelt it correctly unconsciously) and i'm afraid that something unpleasant will slip out and present an ugly picture of myself. i forget that to err is human, and no human is flawless. ok... let's talk about something else. haha...
i don't dare to proclaim myself as a cynic because i keep thinking that all those cynics out there will say, "Yeah, right, so am I." there are a lot of cynics out there but there are those who are pretending and those who are the real deal. perhaps my level of cynicism isn't as "high" as yours or whatever, but at least i can proudly say that i am the most cynical girl in class. is that a thing to be proud of? to me, yes, quite.
whenever i make a cynical remark, others will look at me and say, "why are you so pessimistic?" i hate it when they confuse pessimism with cynicism. well, i want to tell those people now that being cynical is not being pessimistic.
cynicaladj unwilling to believe that people have good, honest, or sincere reasons for doing something: You are just so cynical, insert name! Don't you believe in anything?
pessimisticadj expecting that bad things will happen in the future or that a situation will have a bad result: [+ about] He remains deeply pessimistic about the peace process.
after painstakingly typing out the meanings for you, you'd better get the two words right! and stop saying that i'm pessimistic because i'm not. i'm also just stating what i think and if you can't grasp the meaning of what i'm saying, i'm giving you 2 alternatives: tell me the truth or stop thinking that you know me or identify with me and shut up. understand?
the "you" refers to anyone who thinks i have nothing better to do but be a pessimist. i really don't care what you think anymore because i have the freedom of speech and i'm only broadcasting the truth. i wouldn't lie to you and don't need to. after all, i don't get paid for it.
littlegirl starlet--------------11:56 am
Sunday, May 25, 2003
have you ever seen a balloon filled with helium escape from the hands of a child and fly up merrily into the wide open blue sky? i have, and i've always wondered where they would go and where would they end up. will they suddenly pop mid-way in their journey towards the sun or will they land in the hands of another naive child, who wishes for a balloon at the right time and thinks that the sky has granted her wish? of course science tells you otherwise.
i've always imagined the latter but realised at the same time, the balloon would have diminished and when it lands in the child's tiny hands, it would be nothing but mere rubber --- deflated.. how sad...
i also feel a a pang of loss for the child who has lost her balloon to the sky. she must have been euphoric upon receiving the frail string which held the bright red lollipop-looking balloon. or be it orange, or blue, or whatever for that matter. imagine her pain of losing grip of the string and her regret of not holding on more tightly. she probably grips her fist and starts to wail, or sits down quietly with a remorseful face and tilts her head, following the trail of the lone red lollipop, until she can't see it any longer.
*loves and hates
loves this layout
loves the OC
hates falling
*songlist
Everywhere you go. Shawn Mullins.
Lullaby. Shawn Mullins.
Sail Away. Vertical Horizon.
I don't want to be. Gavin Degraw.
Storybook Life. Blessed Union of Soul.
Someday. Nickelback.
Grow Up. Garbage.
Higher. Creed.
Back Here. Bbmak.
Pinch Me. Smashmouth.
Dare to Live. Switchfoot.
I think God can explain. Splendor.
Jaded. Aerosmith.
It's all been done. Barenaked Ladies.
Save Me. Unwritten Law.